Brainy's Advice
by MollyMittens
Summary: Brainy tells Helga something she might not want to hear. Claire from Six FeeT Under is mentioned, but does not have a big part.


"Have a nice day!" Yea...right...I turn away from the cashier and try to walk off when I see someone I had not seen in years. His glassy eyes scrunch in a smile.

"Well hello there."

"Hi." I try to dart past but he moves slightly to block me.

"Can you just..."

"Need to get home?"

"Well where else would I go with Aspirin and soda? A rave?" Brainy chuckles a little before settling back into that sickeningly sweet smile that won't ever leave his unpunched face.

"So there's the wit I've longed for. Still as sharp as it was in fourth grade." Criminy...

"Well whoopdy-freaking-do. What are you going to do? Offer me a book deal?"

"If only you would accept it."

"What?"

"Listen Helga, I know you. I have a plethora of old bruises to prove it and you never tell people what's wrong. You just gloss it over with threats and jokes and hope the poor bastard moves aside for you. But I can't do that."

"And why is that bucko? Gonna take me to see ? Or hey, why not step in for the doc herself since you seem to be so good at it. Are you going to lay me out on the couch and will me with pleasantries to spill my guts? Well Doc, I feel fine! There is NOTHING wrong with me so you can just-"

"He's drinking again. Isn't he?"

"What?"

"If YOU feel fine then the Aspirin and soda must be for..."

"Someone else!" I try to move when he meets me-again, this time with a long sad sigh.

"Listen, I know you..."

"So you said!"

"And you don't deserve this." WELL A DOI! Who does? All I ever do is clean up after him and bathe him, all the while I AM DYING to have a shot or two. But OH..I can't have that because one drink will turn into three that will turn into twelve and soon we're both on our ases laughing while the wicked Red Head form the West swoops in and saves us all. Again.

Ok...She's not totally wicked. She does clean. And cook. And take care of Phillip while I'm trying not to yell at my husband. But that's not her job. That's not her responsibility. She shouldn't have to step in. But she does, and it kills me that she needs to. A slight tear trickles down my face and I am DYING to get away from Brainy.

"Wait!" he blocks me yet again, Ol Betsy about to do what she does best.

"I know you're going to punch me and I will GLADLY let those soft set of fists do it but I HAVE TO SAY THIS!"

"WELL! WHAT! SAY IT ALREADY!"

"Look...I...I'm not saying you should have picked me. You never loved me so it would have never worked out. But maybe...that's the problem." I cock a brow, my slightly raised fist lowering.

"You spent your whole life either being chased by me, or chasing him yet you NEVER ONCE thought of yourself. I have enough broken pairs of glasses to know that every moment you had 'alone' was spent daydreaming about Arnold! Wishing for Arnold, wanting Arnold, what you would do if you HAD Arnold! But did you ever think of you? Did you ever sit down and think about what life would be like sans men? When was the last time you didn't forget yourself to save him? Or GET him? WHEN!"

He charges forward some with the last word and I have to step back. What is he saying? Of COURSE I thought about me-think about me! What does he think I do? Sit around like some sappy girl and...oh god...my hands go slack as the idea seeps into my head. Have I really spent my whole life thinking of someone else besides me? Did I really fill every unoccupied moment of my life with Arnold? WAIT! There is wrestling! I LOVE that! I watched that when...when...

"You're right," I squeak out, heart sinking. "My...whole life I have been thinking about how to get Arnold..or how to kill you...or..."

"How to get the storybook ending you always wrote about." Criminy...how does he know me so well? "Helga...it pains me that you never chose me. But it pains me more to see you this upset. All I ever wanted for you is happiness. Not with me, or him...just happiness that you are the amazing creature that you are. I don't care HOW MANY times you punch me down. I will always spring back up to insist your greatness. My sole hope is that you'll finally see what I see and realize you don't need a man to be you. You need YOU to be you." And with that he puts his nose out for me to hit it. But I don't. I just stand there in total shock. Wordless.

A phone breaks the deafening silence and Brainy answers it.

"Hello Darling, how are you feeling? Much better I hope! Ah, yes. I'm at the store now. I can pick some up while I'm here." he smiles widely as he talks and I'm still searching for words. Before I can begin to speak the whole scene slows down and this all seems too dreamy to be real. Me-married to the man of my love poems and unhappy and Brainy-not married to the women of his and happy. Unrealistically happy. He smiles again while he ends the call, softly closing the phone.

"Well, duty calls! Please think about what I said...if only for a moment. Goodbye...old friend." He flashes one last beam and then turns to leave, my life still paused while his is on fast forward. Criminy...


End file.
